11-29-2009, 04:20 AM
Maybe it's me. Maybe it's that I'm not an adolescent girl or have simply never been an adolescent girl, but I am tired of the brooding vampire crazy that has sticken human kind like the seven plagues of ancient Egypt.
I realize that, in the Victorian Era, the vampire often symbolized a nascent sensuality and sexual desire which was suppressed in the popular writings of the Victorian Era, that the vampire allowed the middle class, who were really the only ones, besides Queen Victoria herself, who were held the the straight-laced standards of that era, to imagine unbridled sexuality. We don't live in that Victorian Era, my friends. We live in an era in which you can see sexuality up there on the damned Disney Channel.
I'm tired of it. Vampires are fiends. They feed off the living. They are leeches, leeches in human form. Do you know one way to get a leech off the human body? You burn it off! When, in the name of Dr. Polidori, did the become romantic figures one should lust after? We get all of these mixed messages on these creatures of the night. I see for sale in Target T-shirts for girls proclaiming "Only Vampires can Give True Love." Huh? Really? So much for what Christianity has taught me. I see some of my students walking down the halls at school with T-shirts reading, "My Boyfriend is a Vampire." <em class='bbc'>People</em> magazine, that high point of popular culture, has an article "10 Vampires to Die For." Umm, you know, if you're dating a vampire, odds are you ARE going to die, and hiopefully not come back as a bloodsucking fiend.
I'm tried of it. I'm tired of these angst filled vampires from <em class='bbc'>Twilight</em> or the <em class='bbc'>Vampire Diaries</em>. I really am. Do I honestly need to see broody eyes all over the place? Listen, tip for you, if you happen to be a vampire and you find your unLife isn't worth living, go for walk around noon on a bright sunny day. That'll cure your angst good and proper.
What I want to see are vampires as they really are: honest to goodness monsters who have shed aside any shackles of humanity and just work as blood crazed killer machines. I don't want any more of this <em class='bbc'>Twilight</em> or <em class='bbc'>Angel</em> or what not. I want the kind of vampire you see in <em class='bbc'>Near Dark</em>, where the body count is high, the tension is higher, and you have a good story bereft of any angst. Hell, once Buffy stared jonesing for Spike, it was time that show was staked and left in the sun.
So, let me give you this, my advice for dealing with a vampire. Don't try to reason with it. Don't fall for it. It doesn't really love you or really feel that you complete it. Stake the sucker in the heart, hack off its head, stuff that head with garlic, and bury it at a crossroads. You'll thank me for this in the long run.
Next week, stop it with all the damn zombies!
I realize that, in the Victorian Era, the vampire often symbolized a nascent sensuality and sexual desire which was suppressed in the popular writings of the Victorian Era, that the vampire allowed the middle class, who were really the only ones, besides Queen Victoria herself, who were held the the straight-laced standards of that era, to imagine unbridled sexuality. We don't live in that Victorian Era, my friends. We live in an era in which you can see sexuality up there on the damned Disney Channel.
I'm tired of it. Vampires are fiends. They feed off the living. They are leeches, leeches in human form. Do you know one way to get a leech off the human body? You burn it off! When, in the name of Dr. Polidori, did the become romantic figures one should lust after? We get all of these mixed messages on these creatures of the night. I see for sale in Target T-shirts for girls proclaiming "Only Vampires can Give True Love." Huh? Really? So much for what Christianity has taught me. I see some of my students walking down the halls at school with T-shirts reading, "My Boyfriend is a Vampire." <em class='bbc'>People</em> magazine, that high point of popular culture, has an article "10 Vampires to Die For." Umm, you know, if you're dating a vampire, odds are you ARE going to die, and hiopefully not come back as a bloodsucking fiend.
I'm tried of it. I'm tired of these angst filled vampires from <em class='bbc'>Twilight</em> or the <em class='bbc'>Vampire Diaries</em>. I really am. Do I honestly need to see broody eyes all over the place? Listen, tip for you, if you happen to be a vampire and you find your unLife isn't worth living, go for walk around noon on a bright sunny day. That'll cure your angst good and proper.
What I want to see are vampires as they really are: honest to goodness monsters who have shed aside any shackles of humanity and just work as blood crazed killer machines. I don't want any more of this <em class='bbc'>Twilight</em> or <em class='bbc'>Angel</em> or what not. I want the kind of vampire you see in <em class='bbc'>Near Dark</em>, where the body count is high, the tension is higher, and you have a good story bereft of any angst. Hell, once Buffy stared jonesing for Spike, it was time that show was staked and left in the sun.
So, let me give you this, my advice for dealing with a vampire. Don't try to reason with it. Don't fall for it. It doesn't really love you or really feel that you complete it. Stake the sucker in the heart, hack off its head, stuff that head with garlic, and bury it at a crossroads. You'll thank me for this in the long run.
Next week, stop it with all the damn zombies!
I am the milkman of human kindness
And I will bring an extra pint -- B. Bragg
Corporations, which should be the carefully restrained creatures of the law and the servants of the people, are fast becoming the people's masters. -- Grover Cleveland
When the laws are used to make the rich richer and the potent more powerful, the humble members of society -- the farmers, mechanics, and laborers -- who have neither the time nor the means of securing like favors to themselves, have a right to complain of the injustice of their government -- Andrew Jackson
"Capitalism takes no prisoners and kills competition where it can." -- Vince Cable
And I will bring an extra pint -- B. Bragg
Corporations, which should be the carefully restrained creatures of the law and the servants of the people, are fast becoming the people's masters. -- Grover Cleveland
When the laws are used to make the rich richer and the potent more powerful, the humble members of society -- the farmers, mechanics, and laborers -- who have neither the time nor the means of securing like favors to themselves, have a right to complain of the injustice of their government -- Andrew Jackson
"Capitalism takes no prisoners and kills competition where it can." -- Vince Cable
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