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<strong class='bbc'>Bread: Just the Facts</strong>
98% of violent criminals are bread users.
87% of all violent crimes occur within 24 hours of either the attacker or the victim using bread.
Bread users start out with the easy stuff and work their way up; from straight bread, to buttered bread, to bread with the meat of slaughtered animals between the slices.
Bread is highly addictive. Users who aren't fed anything for three weeks start to enter withdrawal symptoms, crying out for "even just a little piece of bread."
When a piece of bread is lodged in a user's air pipe, they can actually choke to death on it.
92% of all fatal traffic accidents occur within 12 hours of a driver using bread.
Tens of people have died while trying to snort bread during a drunken stupor.
Bread is 100% fatal when injected directly into the blood stream.
A staggering 0.0001% of all bread users are serial killers.
86% of suicide cults use some form of bread in most of their meals.
Marilyn Manson; the Uni-bomber; Hitler; all bread users.
65% of bread users can't tell the difference between actual scientific fact and made-up, useless statistical babble.
<em class='bbc'>Bread: it's your decision </em>
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<strong class='bbc'>THINGS TO DO WHEN YOU'RE BORED</strong>
This List Includes:
* Things you can do with absolutely nothing
* Things you can do with very little
* Things you can do with another person
The amusement potential for each activity is denoted.
<em class='bbc'>Things you can do with absolutely nothing:</em>
* Push your eyes for interesting light show (Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things-is your subconscience trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV?
* Hurt yourself (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.
<em class='bbc'>Things you can do with very little</em>
* Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it's a cliff (Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes) To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination. Don't step off immediately, build up to the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off and...AHHHHHH!!!!!
* Make prank phone calls (Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes) Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember - vulgarities don't make a call funny, but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Even more fun if you get a bunch of people on the line using a Wonderphone and take turns making the calls. One to get you started off: Call McDonalds, try to make reservations.
<em class='bbc'>Things you can do with another person</em> (this is a clean website!!)
* Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view (Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes) Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6" to 2' high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It's never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.
* Have a "Who is less competitive" competition (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.
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Waking up at noon and walking for an hour in the blistering, humid summer heat just to get a soda and some chips from the gas station several miles away is not a good idea.Gullible isn't in the dictionary.The percentage of bread users that are serial killers is much closer to 0.0028%. Give or take a few bread users.The one dollar bill says 'one' or '1' on it 13 times'Henshin' is what the Transformers would say in Japanese before doing something like turning into a stupid talking semi or a tank.If ducks could talk, the sky would be purple.I made up most of what you are reading right now.People take the time to read junk e-mail and try to lick their elbows.You are probably bored if you're reading this.Buffalo Bill is riding his buffalo to work every Sunday morning at 3 am.Alligators swimming in a pool of Jell-o.The last two things were said by someone tripping on over-the-counter cold/flu medication.
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AGE ACTIVATED ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDERI have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder This is how it goes . . . I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office . . . BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the rubbish bin is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk . . . BUT FIRST I'll take the rubbish out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills . . Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks . . . BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away . . . BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and . . . Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony . . . BUT FIRST I need to find those checks. END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys . . . And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because . . . I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious . . . I'd get help . . . BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail.
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<strong class='bbc'>COKE CONTENTS</strong>
1. In many states the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl ...Let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean.
4. The citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
5. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.
6. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away corrosion.
7. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the rusted bolt for several minutes.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into aload of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains.
9. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.
10. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
11. To carry Coca Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous material place cards reserved for Highly Corrosive materials.
12. The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!
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In the state of Indiana, there was a law that said that the number Pi was equal to 4, not 3.1415...
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Aurellis, are you fuckin' serious!?!?!? And why would they round up rather than rounding to the nearest tenth!?!?
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and thanks for the coke poting, it was up in one of the schools i taught in and i never got around to copying it down.
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Geo, Geo, Geo... It's because Indiana is a backwards state, that's why. Hell, I live in the state and I don't know of one good decision off the top of my head that hasn't been killed by the morons or obscenely delayed...
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All I'm going to say is that some of these are :lol: able.
